Dear one,
What is a friend? Recently I sought to answer this simple question, only to stumble. A dear friend, however, helped me to stand again, whereby the following thoughts came to mind:
Initially I had in my mind this line: “A friend is one who hears the song in my heart and sings it to me when my memory fails.” Much within this line provides me great comfort, especially as I find that my mind does not remember as quickly or as accurately as I once thought. But this aside, I am pleased to think and know that there are those who do truly know the song within my heart—that song, those treasured passions which animate me—and who will remind me of their priority when I forget, or when life muddles them.
And yet, as I thought further regarding this line, I recognized that it tends to encourage my egocentric blinders. That is, it suggests that a friend is one from whom I receive benefit, but it does not explicitly state that friendship is a shared mutuality, a two-way street, by which I hear the song within my friend’s heart, and sing it to her/him when necessary. Thus, in this regard I continue to find C.S. Lewis’ observation timely:
“Friends hardly ever talk about their Friendship … [Rather, they are normally] side by side, absorbed in [or looking at] some common interest.”[1]
Given that Lewis lived comfortably within, and could then champion his Oxford world, does not negate his emphasis upon friendship: friends share a common interest, appreciation, or bond that ties them together, and yet lies beyond them; and when a third or fourth party joins them, the appreciation and bond is deepened and strengthened. And yet, the depth and strength of this bond is only as strong or as deep as the tie which holds them together. Thus with changing interests or seasons of life, we find that our friendships shift, even as Lewis did in relating to Tolkien.
Although we do not typically think in these terms, I find Jesus’ definition of friendship transcending that of my ego, as well as providing the necessary bond, which will withstand the corrosive tides of time. Just prior to His death, He spoke of a friendship, which is other-centered and gives substance to the words “forever-friend”:
“This is my commandment, that you love one another as I have loved you. No one has greater love than this: to lay one’s life down for one’s friends” (John 15:12-13). He’s such a Friend …
Befriended,
Stan
[1] C.S. Lewis, The Four Loves, (New York: Harcourt, 1960), p.61.