Dear one,
“Friend”: once again I turn to thoughts regarding “friend” and “friendship.” Perhaps my heart and mind move in this direction because of our present, liturgical season. As Lent draws nigh to its conclusion, when we reimagine Jesus’ last week of public ministry, I am reminded that Jesus spoke of friendship, but in terms we hardly comprehend. But before we reconsider those words, three thoughts:
1. Our English word “friend” is of an Indo-European root, meaning “to love,” a root shared with the word “free.”[1] I can only guess, but if I do so, a “friend” is one who is freely beloved; or stated differently, “friendship” is a love relationship characterized by freedom. Freely friends relate, lovingly friends enjoy the freedom of their relationship. At its heart, friendship is the interplay of love and freedom, which can transcend and/or complement differences in age, gender, circumstances, and cultures.
2. As I have shared with you before, I have a plaque on our bookshelf, which reads: “A friend is one who hears the song in my heart and sings it to me when my memory fails.” I so appreciate this view of friendship: it suggests that friendship requires listening; is of the heart and therefore knows intimately another’s priorities; and will sing those priorities as necessary reminders—and singing, like the beating of our hearts, is so basic—of the essence of our lives.
3. And so, as I think of singing, I am reminded of that nineteenth century hymn, written by Joseph Scriven to encourage his mother:
What a friend we have in Jesus/ All our sins and griefs to bear …
Can we find a friend so faithful/ Who will all our sorrows share?
Jesus knows our every weakness/ Take it to the Lord in prayer.
Here too, consistent with love, freedom, and the singing of priorities, is Scriven’s experience: Jesus is a faithful friend who bears and shares. He knows our weaknesses and our sorrows; He knows our griefs and yes, our sins: the darkness of our lives, sometimes evident in the light. But what Scriven did not make explicit, Jesus expressed so powerfully:
“No one has greater love than this, to lay down one's life for one's friends. You are my friends if you do what I command you [i.e., to love one another]. I do not call you servants any longer, because the servant does not know what the master does; but I have called you friends, because I have made known to you everything that I have heard from my Father” (John 15:13-15).
For those of us who live in a culture, which regularly employs “we’re just friends,” we struggle to comprehend Jesus’ words, for His words define friendship, not only in terms of freedom and love, but in terms of death: a willingness to die for one’s friends. In most regards, He has elevated friendship beyond romantic and familial loves to a position that incorporates self-sacrificial love. Accordingly, there is no greater love: He’s not “just a friend.”
May you cherish His Friendship.
Stan
[1] New Oxford American Dictionary