Dear one,
Listening … hearing …
“What’s that?” he said. “Did I hear you correctly? Did you say, ‘Where’s that ol’ goat? We should leave, thanking our host for his weather-dark beer”?”
“Ney, not so,” she said. “Were you not listening? I said nothing either about his boat or his fear. I simply said: ‘Where’s your coat? Thanking our host, we should leave, lest the weather turn drear.”
“What’s that? You’ve just met. How can you call him ‘dear’?”
For years I’ve sought to encourage as well as share in “community,” recognizing that “community” and its cognates, “communion,” “communication,” and “common” are necessarily entwined. That is, fundamentally “community” is based or built upon what is held in common; but equally, that commonality requires communion—centering upon that which is cherished and dear—and the needed communication to reveal and deepen the communion bond. Admittedly, that last sentence might read and appear as horribly convoluted—and I won’t seek to defend it—but I am nonetheless fully convinced that good communication—both verbal and nonverbal expressions, both sent and received—is essential to the life of community. When communication falters, so too does community, stumbling over or even crushing its once cherished communion.
Undoubtedly, many factors contribute to the breaking of community, as evident in our cultural life, where trust is seldom common; but one of those factors is the ability and willingness to listen. According to its German roots, “to listen” is “to pay attention to,” which requires energy and effort. Just as “sight” is not “envisioning,” so too “hearing” is not “listening,” unless by “listening” we mean: “to really hear,” or, as often understood within the Scriptures, “to hear” means “to obey”—and obedience is an act of the mind, will, and heart. Sometimes, listening is difficult and costly.
Earlier this week, Dietrich Bonhoeffer reminded me of the importance of listening:
“Many people seek a sympathetic ear and do not find it among Christians, because these Christians are talking even when they should be listening. But Christians who can no longer listen to one another will soon no longer be listening to God either; they will always be talking even in the presence of God.”[1]
As I so often find, Bonhoeffer’s words cut directly and deeply: How well do I listen—to God and/or to others? Is it not true: my manner of relating—whether to you, others, and/or God—varies little? Aye, it is true.
May we hold listening in common,
Stan
[1] Dietrich Bonhoeffer, Life Together, (Minneapolis: Fortress Press, 1996), p.98