Dear one,
Since last week, “not yet … not now” has been echoing within me—a phrase with a very specific focus: Malawi. As I have thought of Malawi, both in terms of this past summer’s need to postpone and then cancel our planned conferences, I have wondered: When might I return to that beleaguered nation? For the moment I do not know the answer to this question, but when I ask, I simply receive: “Not yet … not now.”
This response I do not find unsettling or frustrating; instead I am saddened: my present cannot be understood apart from Malawi. Because of Malawi, a decades-long desire was rekindled; because of Malawi I began writing “working resources”; because of Malawi, the opportunities to encourage pastors in Romania and Uganda emerged. My present cannot be rightly viewed apart from Malawi; and yet, because of political unrest and the proper aligning of my gifts with their needs, I live with “not yet … not now.”
As a consequence, this uncertainly has led me to ponder afresh Paul’s experience in his relating to those first followers in Rome. At the outset of his letter to them, he noted:
“I remember you always in my prayers, asking that by God's will I may somehow at last succeed in coming to you. For I am longing to see you” (Romans 1:9-13).
Admittedly, his introduction sounds a note of apology: I’m sorry I’ve yet to visit you; but this note is clearly not evident in his final words to them:
“[Since] I have longed for many years to come to you, I hope to see you in passing as I go to Spain, and to be helped by you on my journey there” (Romans 15:23-29).
Without question, Paul’s desire to minister among the Romans was in fact realized—but not as he anticipated. Upon writing to the Romans, he returned to Jerusalem, where he was imprisoned for two years in Caesarea; whereupon he appealed to Caesar; whereupon he was “escorted” to Rome and lived under house arrest. Yes, his longing, his “not yet … not now” was fulfilled, but not as he expected: meaningful difficulties greeted him.
I trust that my “not yet … not now” will not mean shackled imprisonment; but whatever the “meaningful difficulties,” I believe Paul’s affirmation rings true: “I know whom I have believed, and I am confident that he is able to guard until that day what has been entrusted to me”—including my desires (2 Timothy. 1:12).
Not yet,
Stan